I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
