Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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