So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
