wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
