This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
