Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
