Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
