shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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