Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
