thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
