Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
