my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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