i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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