I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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