Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
