Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
