I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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