so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
