U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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