Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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