I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Randomize
