Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
