Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize