he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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