Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
