You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
