i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
