sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
