Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
