last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
