We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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