So drunk, too bad you don't want this
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
