Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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