Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
