I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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