well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
