Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
