I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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