It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
