I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
