I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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