I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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