I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
