um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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