If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize