It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize