I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
