if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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