i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
