sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
