She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
