He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My ass is underappreciated
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dick very happy bro
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
