The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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