She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My dick has a subreddit
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
