We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
