Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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