I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
