You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
