i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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