I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
