I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
