If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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