How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
