This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
