can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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