never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
