but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
