i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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