My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
